Alive

Dear Abby, said someone from Oregon,

I am having trouble with my boyfriend’s attachment

to an ancient gallon of milk still full

in his refrigerator. I told him it's me or the milk,

is this unreasonable? Dear Carolyn,

my brother won’t speak to me

because fifty years ago I whispered

a monkey would kidnap him in the night

to take him back to his true family

but he should have known it was a joke

when it didn’t happen, don’t you think?

Dear Board of Education, no one will ever

remember a test. Repeat. Stories,

poems, projects, experiments,

mischief, yes, but never a test.

Dear Dog Behind the Fence, you really need

to calm down now. You have been barking every time

I walk to the compost for two years

and I have not robbed your house. Relax.

When I asked the man on the other side

if you bother him too, he smiled and said no,

he makes me feel less alone. Should I be more

worried about the dog or the man?